The Simpsons Episode g33k: LinuxTag Comes to Springsfield Part II
Previously on LinuxTag Comes to Springsfield (Part I)
3 days later. The Simpsons are having breakfast when the door bell rings. Homer goes to get the door. It’s the mailman.
Homer: What do you want.
Mailman: What does it look like?
Homer: You selling insurance?
Mailman: I got a registered letter for Lisa Simpson.
Homer: Registered letter. Must be important.
Mailman: Whatever.
Homer: Can I read it before giving it to her?
Mailman: Like I care.
Homer: Do you have a registered letter for me?
Mailman: No.
Homer: Why not.
Mailman: Dunno.
Homer: Why are you so snappish.
Mailman: You’re annoying the hell outta me!
Homer: (shocked and offended) I never want to see you again! (slams the door and cries all the way back to the kitchen)
Marge: Homer honey what’s wrong?
Homer: (shaking his fists) I hate the mailman, so much!
Lisa reads her letter from LinuxTag.
Very respected Miss Simpson,
we have received many letters from Linux users expressing their opposition to Mr. Schaeuble’s views on electronic surveillance or citizen’s rights as well as their dismay over Schaeuble’s patronage. However, since the purpose of LinuxTag is to promote and support the use of free and open source software, we fail to see the relevancy of Mr. Schaeuble’s policies and his patronage over LinuxTag. Enclosed are two free tickets to our event, please do come to support free software!
Sincerely,
LinuxTag
Homer: Two free tickets only? Well Bart hates beer and Marge hates the Krauts. So Lisa, I guess we’ll be spending time together for my favorte father-daughter bonding again!
Lisa: (rips the tickets in half in disgust) How can electronic surveillance or citizen’s rights be irrelevant to the free software movement? Do they not understand the meaning of freedom? That’s it; time for Lisa Simpson to act again!
Homer: You go Lisa! Tell them to give us four tickets or we want our money back!
Camera cuts to the Kent Brockman’s talk show.
Brockman: With us tonight on Smartline are Wolfgang Schaeuble and Gellarsch Kuesser, our special guests all the way from Germany to bring the spirit of freedom to Springfield; Steve Ballmer (holds a sign that reads LINUX IS CANCER) from Microsoft, who just barged into the studio without being invited; Mr. Burns, proud sponsor of LinuxTag, Professor Frink, long time Linux developer as well as Lisa Simpson, the little girl who wants to boycott LinuxTag. Professor Frink, can you tell us what Linux is and why people should use it?
Frink: Yes…Linux is an operating system, just like Windows is, except it doesn’t give you viruses, spyware, trojans all the time…
Brockman: And how do you respond to that Mr. Ballmer? Why are you here; what does Microsoft have to do with Linux?
Ballmer: I have four words for you: I LOVE THIS COMPANY!!
Schaeuble: I have to jump in here…trojans are not a bad thing! In fact I’m planning to sneak these cute little ponies into computers of every citizen under suspicion in our country so we can sound out the terrorists!
Burns: (nodding) Excellent…damn those foreign terrorists!
Kuesser: I’d like to remind the audience, as Minister of the Interior Mr. Schaeuble is the patron of LinuxTag by default. The Ministry of Interior has always been sponsoring LinuxTag. Without their support, Linux wouldn’t be where it is today!
Lisa: But what about the community that opposes Schaeuble’s views and patronage? Shouldn’t their voice be heard? And what is LinuxTag’s position on Schaeuble’s political views? You said in a statement that LinuxTag didn’t want to pass any judgment and didn’t want to tell people what to think. However we are very interested in knowing what you think and where you stand concerning Schaeuble’s stance on anti-terrorists measures. Many of us are boycotting LinuxTag not simply because of Schaeuble’s symbolic patronage, but because LinuxTag is selling out by not taking a political stand!
Schaeuble: (tries to laugh) Oh you little girl, shouldn’t you be playing with your Barbie dolls? Linux and politics are for grown-ups, not for little girls!
Kuesser: But you can’t boycott LinuxTag! Why punish the innocent developers and speakers, who have been preparing so long for this event? Mr. Schaeuble will be busy working on the federal trojan and won’t even have time to attend the event. Don’t punish the Linux developers, such as Professor Frink, who will be presenting his new desktop environment, Knome!
Ballmer: (stands up, clapping and chanting) DEVELOPER, DEVELOPER, DEVELOPER, DEVELOPER…
Frink: Actually I’m with Lisa, and I’m cancelling my presentation too. The argument that boycotting LinuxTag would be punishing the open source developers is as absurd as if a criminal sentenced to jail accuses the jury of punishing his innocent children by locking up their father. It’s not the jury who punishes the innocent children, but the criminal himself who knowingly chooses to commit a crime fully aware of the consequences. LinuxTag places the Ministry of Interior on top of the community, and that’s what we’re against. We are not boycotting the open source projects, we are boycotting LinuxTag. In fact I’d like to ask all participants and speakers of LinuxTag to withdraw from the event. The name of Wolfgang Schaeuble and free, open source movement just don’t compute.
Lisa: Wow Professor Frink, I’m impressed! I’ve never seen you talk about anything with so much eloquence and conviction and no stutter at all!
Frink: Lisa, most of the time I’m just a wacko that talks funny, but there are also times when I’m serious.
Lisa: (stands up) people of Springfield, most of you have no idea what Linux is, but I’m asking you to steer clear from LinuxTag until LinuxTag is willing to take a political stand!
The audience stands up and starts cheering. Ballmer starts jumping all over the stage doing his monkey dance, screaming and shouting “Vista! Vista! Vista! Vista!”. Gloria Estefan’s “get on your feet” plays in the background. Finally the excitement subsides and the audience sits down again.
Ballmer: WHO SAID SIT DOWN?
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